heart problems

when it rains, it pours.

haven't been blogging for days.
lot's of things had happened.
mostly good (including my birthday).
but they don't matter anymore,
'cause right now,
my life's raining cats and dogs.

1. my dad was rushed to the hospital last sunday. he had chest pains and difficulty breathing. we found out that he had a mild heart attack and that he needed to be confined in the hospital for observation. the first 48 hours are critical for someone who suffered a heart attack. his blood pressure was so high that he needed to be sent to the ICU. he stayed there for three days. he's now confined in a private room and is expected to go home on saturday.

2. i got an invitation to an Oracle training session for a month. Of course i accepted. i was happy for a while, only to find out that i can't attend. i can complain but there's no use. there is nothing i can do to get any training for myself.

3. F started going out with other guys last week. she did it twice. she said it didn't mean anything so i just shrugged both off. what really broke my heart is the exchange of messages she had with one of her crushes in school. it went something like this:
s: have you eaten already?
f: why do you always ask me that? secret.
s: no particular reason. so have you eaten, i mean lunch?
f: yes.
s: i'm guessing this is your lunch. (holds a pack of crackers)
f: yes, actually. but i had a can of fruits. i had a case of diarrhea earlier.
s: you should eat more!
f: i guess you're right. tell me something good to eat and i will eat it.
s: me.
!!!!!!!!!!
there is another one but you get the idea. i am open to the fact that i may be over-reacting. how am i suppose to know? this is the first time that something like this has happened to me. so many things are going on in my mind. it hurts, literally. this is no longer simulated sadness. this is the real thing.

problems like these don't come very often. i'm grateful. after this storm has passed, i hope my memory fails me. ignorance is bliss.

that which does not kill you, makes you stronger.
if this doesn't make me stronger, i'm dead.