hazy

This morning, I woke up to something surreal. If I didn't know better, I'd think I was dreaming.



It's just like the morning of Jan 1st!

sleeping and a pretty good documentary

How do people like Thomas Edison and Leonardo Da Vinci do it. How could they not sleep? If I'll have my way, I wouldn't have to sleep everynight. I'd be taking a 1 hour nap and that's it. Sleeping is so unproductive. If I didn't know better, I'd say that it's a waste of time. But I do. I know that we need to sleep so that our body can do things that they have to do while sleeping... Like dreaming for example. Speaking of which, I hadn't had any good ones lately. Yes, I'm complaining. LOL!

I'm combining two topics in one post 'cause I'm lazy plus I have to sleep.

Let me recommend this film that I just watched. It's about Hugo Chavez and a revolution in Venezuela. I sincerely hope that we'd get to have a President with the same passion for the people as Chavez. Watch the docu and find out what I mean.

The Revolution Will Not Be Televised

Enjoy!

the most expensive bun i have ever eaten (so far)

the title says it all.

here're the pics:

you tube

One of the new things i've began to appreciate since the time i got back online is you tube. If I'm not careful, I might get addicted... that is, if I'm not hooked yet.

Watch this Neat Trick

Then watch this.
The guy looked familiar. Could he be a Filipino? Funny!

a tale of two cities... ='(

north park glorietta, March 2006

mohamed sultan, August 2006

the life i left behind

looking at some pictures from the not so distant past, i kinda remembered what my life was before coming to Singapore. The life that I left behind. I use the word "kinda" because i don't remember it very vividly. It's like a dream that I woke up from. Something that I could never get back. Which kinda make me sad because that life was kinda good in a way...

Now I'm really sad.

Not considering my last deployment in my previous company, everything was picture perfect. I had a good relationship with family, my salary was above average (which was sadly not good enough for me), I have few good friends, and most importantly, my relationship with F was great. And I traded it all off for a job abroad -- my dream.

***

There's a longing sadness lingering in my heart. Helpless. I could not get back what I left behind. I could only look back and move on. My family will always be my family. F, if I can help it, will always be the love of my life, and my friends, I could only hope that distance and lack of communication will not stop us from remaining friends. That's asking for too much, but I guess there's so little that I can do... (or willing to do).

***

I realize that relationships can be preserved, and I did not leave them behind. I took them with me and kept them inside my heart.

***

I realize that the less excited I am about my new life, the more nostalgic I feel about my previous one.

***

I do not want to be sad, I do not want to forget either. The only way to achieve this is to relive it. F is the key. She's my anchor, without her, I will drift.

welcome to pulau ubin

pulau ubin with my friends. i took the photo. hehe.

Ha!

It feels good to be online again! That is mainly the reason why I'm still awake at quarter to 3 in the morning. Or maybe it's just the coffee that I drank. Well, anyway, just wanna make my presence felt. Online presence, that is.

Being online came at a price. A steep price. A price that I couldn't afford had I not come to Singapore to work. Well roughly around S$1300. Hehe.

I'll try to post some pics. In the meantime, wait. It's the only thing you can do besides doing something else. ???

Zzz...

batominton

batominton = japanese word for badminton

 

Yesterday, I played badminton with my mom, my sister and my little brother. Call it quality time with my family. My dad was not around because of two reasons, he had church service that afternoon and he's not really into that sport. Anyway, I'm blogging about this sport simply because I like it very much. Especially when you're using a 1,400-Peso Yonex racket. I borrowed from my sister. hehehe. Personally, I wouldn't spend that amount for a racket. At least not yet. hehehe.

huwat?!

I want to share something funny that happened this morning.

 

I'm working on this support ticket that I was not familiar with so I went to ask my TL. This is how the conversation went:

 

Me: TL, can you help me with one of my tickets?

TL: Ok, what's your problem?

Me: You see it's like this...

 

I went on to explain my problem. TL appears to listen. After about a minute of explaining every detail of my problem, this is what the TL responded.

 

TL: Ganito and gawin mo...

 

I listened closely on what she was about to say.

 

TL: ...humingi ka ng tulong kay Boyet (not his real name).

 

NYEK!!!

 

When I heard her reply, I was not sure whether I would scream or laugh (or slap her with a closed fist -- kidding!). I mean, what the fuck?! After making me talk for about a minute, after she listened intentively to what I'm saying (or at least I thought she was), that's all she had to say?

 

Can we say *omitted*?

Perhaps maybe

Have you ever heard someone tell you that he's doing his job just because it pays the bills? Well, that's exactly what I'm feeling right now. No matter how I try (I'm still trying), I still can't get myself to be passionate about my job. Maybe it's because my work is purely maintenance. Maybe because there's no growth in this project. Maybe because there is nobody in this project who is passionate about his or her job. Maybe it's all of the above.

 

Perhaps, the People's Hour will shed some light into the dark future of my career. Perhaps, but I'm not hopeful.

 

This project is slowly killing me. At this rate, I'll be a zombie in a month.

 

I've know the difference between good and bad projects. This one's neutral. LOL

free lunch

I'm having a hard time thinking of what to blog about. I don't want to keep ranting about my new project and that decision eliminated most, if not all things that's been going on in my mind. A few more post about my new project and my blog's name would have to change to "10 things I hate about my project."

Anyway...

I signed up for a *omitted* session last week and I got the confirmation of enrollment yesterday. It is an activity wherein a Sr Exec of the company sits down with the employees and discuss their issues and concerns, whatever they may be. Don't get me wrong. I'm not about to discuss my issues in this session. I'm just here for the free lunch.

By the way, whoever said that there's no such thing as free lunch doesn't have rich friends... or work for a large multi-national *omitted* company. LOL

V for Vendetta

I have been itching to watch a movie these past few days but could not find the time. Last Saturday, I finally did. F and I watched V for Vendetta.

 

It's a nice movie. I wouldn't have watched it on the big screen hadn't it been mentioned in Q_DVD that the script was written by the Wachowski brothers (the makers of The Matrix). Being a [sorry excuse for a] fan of the brothers, I put the film in my Must Watch list.

 

Overall, I was not disappointed in the film. (I seldom do.) In fact, I enjoyed the film simply because it is about revenge and kicking the government's ass. I especially liked the scene where a resident punches a party member for shooting a girl. I felt that scene. LOL. I didn't like how the parliament exploded. It was supposed to be one big explosion from below the ground. Instead, the parliament had multiple explosions. Not very realistic but, it could be forgiven though. I only wish someone would make a Pinoy version of the movie. That would be nice... and timely. LOL

 

Now, is this movie about anarchy or freedom from oppression?

 

Pwede both?

 

No! This is not a diaper commercial.

Japanese 101

I signed up for free Japanese lessons.

 

Two weeks from now, I'll be speaking basic Nihonggo. Yahoo! =)

 

Hai! ^_^

finger instinct

Fourth week into my project and still, I found myself typing my NAI ID onto my* workstation. I've gotten used to pressing the same sequence of keys that I have to make a conscious effort to log-in my new ID. Oh well, it's trivial but anything is worth blogging, anyway.

 

*It's mine only because I'm the one using it.

settling-in... slowly

Finally, after more than two weeks in my new project, I have my own cube. I'm expecting the key to my mobile cabinet anytime today. After that, only one thing is left before I could say that I'm completely settled in. And that is my own WORKSTATION. Yep! I'm still a "squatter" in this project. Moving from workstation to workstation day after day.

 

I consider myself lucky though. One of my teammates have been here for more than 6 weeks and he still "squats" on other workstations. =)

brighter side

If there's one thing I like about my new project, it is that my new teammates are so friendly. Being isolated from the rest of the company (well, this is an exaggeration), they have retained their innocence. There's almost no politics in this project. No gossips. No quarrels. No scandals. It's a very friendly and somewhat welcoming environment.

 

This is what I initially thought about my previous project... until I got in on the little dark secrets. Hmm... now, I'm wondering. Are there any dark secrets in this project? We'll just have to see about that.

DIY iced tea

I was kinda bored so I tried to make an iced tea using ingredients available in our pantry.

 

Iced Tea Ala Pantry
 

Ingredients:

1 Lipton Tea bag

1/2 Cup hot water

1 spoon of Creamer

1 spoon of Sugar

A lot of tube ice

 

Instructions:

Dip the tea bag into the hot water until the water turns dark brown. 

Mix 1 spoon of creamer and 1 spoon of sugar into the concoction.

Stir.

Add ice until your cup is full.

 

Serves 1 - 2 persons depending on the size of your cup. Hehehe.

 

Okay, I have to get back to my training now.

From COBOL to VB to Oracle

Last week, while I was updating my project-specific training plan, I realized that I have been retooled and in fact, I have been retooled twice. Damn! First off, I was trained for Mainframe capability. I attended a one-month course on Mainframe programming (COBOL). I didn't like the thought of staring at a black and green screen for 8 hours so I wished hard not to be deployed to a Mainframe technology based project. Luckily, I was deployed to a project that used Client-Server technology. That deployment changed my capabality to Graphical Environment. Now that I have a new project, I am expected to develop my Oracle PL/SQL skills. I've been retooled twice. I don't know what to say. I'm not sure whether that's good or bad. What I'm sure of is that I don't want to be retooled again. I want to stay in Oracle.

 

Please don't offer me VB.NET training. That would be excruciatingly tempting.

super proxy

Change can sometimes be very difficult, especially if the change involves extremely restricted internet access. You can't check mail, can't blog, can't visit forums, you can't even visit vehicle-related websites.

 

Lucky for me, I have a proxy server that has less restrictions. Look Ma! I'm blogging. Hehehe.

This is shocking!

I may have been deployed to a BPO engagement. Why else would there be no development or programming involved?! (note: this is not SEPG) This is really, really, really alarming. My new project manager hasn't even set up an expectation setting session which was supposed to be today. Arrggh! I want to scream!

If this can't be fixed, I might resign.

first day at my new project

Here's what I have found out so far. In chronological order.

 

Buses going Cubao ilalim bypass Araneta Center, the location of my new project. I had to walk a kilometer to get to my project.

Rumors about tremors in Gateway are true. I felt it. It made me nauseous. For a moment, I thought it was another earthquake. hehe.

The guards don't know the names of the employees. They probably don't log them as they enter.

The project has more or less 30 personnel.

One cube accomodates 6 - 7 persons. Can we say cramped? hehe.

Gateway Mall cannot compare to Glorietta. Probably why it's almost empty.

They're restrooms are nice. hihi.

Access to web-based mail is restricted. Shhhh... hehe.

 

Uhm.. I have more but I want to stop now. I'll try posting again tomorrow, after my expectation setting meeting with my new manager.

 

I have yet to see the wonders of this project. (Is this a mean comment?)

 

middle class

I got this email. I agree with most of it if not all. I am part of the middle-class and I work hard. I pay my taxes (VAT and everything). I follow the law. And what do I get? I get to be in the middle of the chaos caused by politicians! I'm sick and tired of it.

 

 

Ako ay isang middle class Pinoy, isang officer sa isang malaking korporasyon at may asawa...dalawa anak. Di na importante pangalan ko kasi parepareho naman tayong mga middle-class....trabaho 9-5, inom konti tapos uwi sa pamilya, laruin si baby, itutor si ate/kuya tapos Tulog na, pag wala na pera intay nalang ng sweldo.

Sa nangyayari ngayon sa ating bansa, lahat nalang ng sector ay maingay at naririnig, tayo lang mga middle-class, tax paying at productive Pinoys ang di naririnig. Subalit, buwis natin ang nagpapaikot sa bansang ito. Pag may mga gulo na nangyayari, tayo ang tinatamaan. Kaya eto ang liham ko sa lahat ng maiingay na sector na sana makagising sa inyong bulag na pag-iisip.

Sa Mga Politiko: Diyos ko naman, sa dami na nang nakurakot ninyo di na ba kayo makuntento kelangan nyo pa ba manggulo.

Sa Administrasyon: Hayan ayus na ha pinatawad na namin ang pandaraya nyo sa eleksyon, pruweba dito e di kami umaatend sa mga panawagan ng people power, kaya sana naman gantihan nyo kami ng magandang serbisyo at magaling na pamumuno at malaking bawas sa kurakot naman please para kahit papano maramdaman naman namin na may napupuntahan ang binabayad naming buwis.

Saka Madam GMA, step down ka na pag parliamentary na tayo sa 2007, tignan mo, i-announce mo mag-step down ka kapag parliamentary na tayo, resounding YES yan sa plebiscite at tigil pa ang mga coup at people power laban sayo. Try mo lang.........

Sa Oposisyon: Di nyo pa ba nakikita na dalawang klase lang ng tao ang nakikinig sa inyo....isa ay bayaran na mahihirap kungdi man ay tangang mga excited
na reporter na parang naka-shabu lagi....mga praning e at naghahallucinate.

Bago man lang kayo maglunsad ng kilos laban sa administrasyon, pumili muna kayo ng magiting at nararapat na ipapalit sa liderato ngayon.

Hirap sa inyo paresign kayo ng paresign wala naman kayo ipapalit na maayos.

Advise lang galing sa isang middle-class na syang tunay na puwersa sa likod ng lahat ng matagumpay na People Power, magpakita muna kayo ng galing bago nyo batuhin ang administrasyon. Wala na kaming narinig sa inyo kundi reklamo, e wala naman kayong ginagawa kundi magreklamo....para kayong batang lagi na lang naaagawan ng laruan.....GROW UP naman...sa isip sa salita at sa gawa.

Please lang gasgas na rin ang pagrarally nyo na katabi nyo ay mga bayaran na mahihirap, magtayo nalang kayo ng negosyo at iempleyo ang mga rallyista para maging productive silang mamamayan. Sige nga, pag nagrarally kayo yakapin nyo nga at halikan yang mga kasama nyong nagrarally!! Nung People Power namin nagyayakapan kami lahat nuon.

Wala naman mangyayari sa mga rally nyo nakakatraffic lang, kami pang middle-class ang napeperwisyo. Di nyo kayang paghintayin ng 3 araw ang mga rallyista nyo kasi kelangan nyo pakainin at swelduhan ang mga yan. Kung gusto nyo tagumpay na People Power kami ang isama nyo....pero pagod na kami e, sori ha.

Sa Military: Alam nyo lahat tayo may problema, pati US Army may problema, 2,000 plus na patay sa kanila sa Iraq na parang walang rason naman, pero nakita nyo ba sila nagreklamo? Wala diba kasi professional sila na sundalo.....yan dapat ang sundalo di nagtatanong sumusunod lang. Kasi may mga bagay na di kayang maintindihan ng indibidwal lamang, at ang mga nakatataas lang ang nakakaintindi ng kabuuan, kaya ito ang panuntunan ng lahat ng military ng lahat ng bansa. Pero parang military natin yata ang pinaka-mareklamo.

Sabi nga sa Spiderman "with great power comes great responsibility".....kaya maging spiderman kayo lahat at protektahan ang mamamayan. Sa totoo lang natatakot kami kapag nagrereklamo kayo, kasi may baril kayo at tangke, kami wala.

Wala ako comment sa mga mahihirap, di naman kasi sila maingay na kusa e, may bayad ang ingay nila. Saka wala rin naman silang email. Kaya paano na tayong mga middle-class?? Eto hanggang email nalang tayo kaya ikalat nyo na ito at magdasal tayo na umabot ito sa mga dapat makabasa nito at makiliti naman ang kanilang mga konsyensya.

Signed,

Isang Middle-Class Pinoy na walang puknat na binabawasan ang sweldo ng Buwis!

goodbye alliance

Top 3 things I will miss when I leave this project:

 

Laptop

I'm gonna miss having this wonderful machine. I will no longer be able to watch DVD's anywhere I go. I won't be able to burn CD's with a click of a mouse. I won't be able to work from home (not that I do, but still... hehehe).

 

Access to web-based email

I'm going to have to unsubscribe to quiapo_dvd group because I won't be able to access my gmail everyday.

 

Proximity to Glorietta

Though I'll still be working near a mall, I would definitely miss Glorietta. Well... sort of.

 

 

P.S.,

The person I will miss the most when I leave this project is Cheng. She's professional, friendly, calm, intelligent, and so on. I'm lucky to have had her as my team lead. Heck, even some of the developers from other teams would agree!

 

hello windtalkers

Only two days left before I say goodbye to my first project. In the span of more than two years, I could say that I have grown. Unfortunately, not so much as i had wanted. I have a lot of regrets. Things I could have done but didn't. Things I did not do but should've. I would like to think that this new project is a second chance in my career as a developer.

silently grieving

X**: Why? Are you going to buy? (referring to Motorola V3i)
Me: Uhm... I'm tempted.
R**: What do you need it for? You alread got your Palm.

Boom!

Word of advise: Don't get too attached to material things. They could be gone in a blink of an eye.

I'm sorry I lost you. It was good while it lasted.

rolling off

I am rolling off my current project.

This is going to be a great change. Surprisingly, I'm only a little excited about it.

New project
New location
New environment
New faces
New opportunities
New threats
(How about a new outlook in life? Why not?)

Still, I feel a little numb.

Stoicism? Could be.
Denial? I hope not.
Acceptance? That would be good.
Maturity? I'd like to think so.

Change is not always bad. It is beyond good and bad. It is inevitable. Everything beyond my control is inevitable. The sooner I accept it, the faster I move on. And moving on is always good.

Can anyone quote me on this? LOL

catchy song: 8 Easy Steps by Alanis

How to stay paralyzed by fear of abandonment
How to defer to men in solvable predicaments
How to control someone to be a carbon copy of you
How to have that not work and have them run away from you
How to keep people at arms length and never get to close
How to mistrust the ones you supposedly love the most
How to pretend you're fine and don't need help from anyone
How to feel worthless unless you're helping

I'll teach you all this in 8 easy steps
In the course of a lifetime you'll never forget
I'll show you how to in 8 easy steps
I'll show you how leadership looks when taught by the best

How to hate women when you're supposed to be a feminist
How to play all highest when you're really a hypocrite
How to hate God when you're a prayer and a spiritualist
How to sabotage your fantasies

I've been doing research for years
I've been practicing my ass off
I've been waiting my whole life for this moment, I swear to you
Culminating just to be this well versed leader before you

How to lie to yourself and thereby to everyone else
How to keep smiling when you're thinking of killing yourself
How to numb alaholic (?) to avoid going within
How to stay stuck in your life blaming them

shock

We have just been informed that our project will be shut down before June of this year. I kinda predicted it. I mean, if I was the client, I'd close us down, too. Having two offices within the same time zone is kinda redundant. It's a waste of money.

 

We have less than five months to pack our bags and leave.

 

An officemate told me that people will be more appreciative of their work and the people they live with now that the project is ending. As for me, I ju█♥▐╓▐▬╫▐▀Φ▌╙²▄▐■√·...

Winning and Losing

Winning

I got to watch Manny Pacquiao's fight with Erik Morales at F's house. Damn! Astig ni Pacman! It's a good thing that he won. I would be very sad for him if he didn't. What would happen to his career? What would happen to the Filipino's pride? That would've sucked!

 

Losing

I tried my luck at the lottery. I couldn't imagine myself winning Php 150,000,000.00. WTF?! That's to much money. Well, it doesn't matter now. I didn't win, anyway.

old email from F

A mixture of Curiousity and Boredom led me to my Sent folder of my email account. I stumbled into these email from F dated Feb 19, 2004. She's so sweet!

F wrote:

The reason i read the runaway jury again was that it was going to be shown. and the whole plot was not taken from the book. iba ung story. siguro unahin muna natin ung cold mountain kasi madami nang nagsasabi sa akin na maganda raw.

ang iniisaip ko lang kung ok lang kung ok kay a*** l*** un (ung manonood tayo ng movie at ung mismong movie). love story ung cold mountain eh, baka lalong siyang malungkot! alam mo, medyo suspicious ako sa motives ni a*** l***. kasi minsan lang un magyaya, pero laging may motive. tapos she even specified for me to take you. Ganun na ba siya kalungkot? Hehehehe!

Alam mo sad rin si a***. *sigh*

Buti na lang i have you!!! That's why I'm going to hug you! (Just imagine it, ok?)

You know, it's easy to get lost in a busy world. To feel that real love is non-existent, or that it's not something we can rely on. It's easy to be doubtful and insecure especially when one is in a relationship during these times.

During these times, I have your letters, cards and your emails to remind me of you, that you're here for me.

Thanks...

touch of pink

I decided to read my journal entries and stumble into this one. Its about how sad I am for not being able to give F the gift she wanted last Christmas.

I'm glad I was able to give it her this year. =)

can too much love kill me?

Day by day, my love for F increases.

Recently, it has reached the point where I love her so much that I have become vulnerable.

I am out in the open.

I am too vulnerable that I'm getting scared.

Scared of getting hurt...

just wondering...

Is it possible to love without trust?

 

Something tells me it is...

 

and it's making me sad.

Love Poem by F

I was cleaning my mailbox when I stumbled upon this poem given to me by F.

 

I love you, baby.

 

For my love, J**** S******. Written February 22, 2004

There's a deep longing
Inside of me
Something I cannot fathom
Nor comprehend
I see you whenever I
Close my eyes
In my dreams, when I awake
I long to see you, to
Feel your touch
Once again
To see you smile upon me
To hold your gaze
My heart misses you so
Your lips so sweet
So bitter this separation
This longing I cannot stand
What I would give
To have you
Again for a moment
Then for a lifetime

happy

I've been very happy, lately. Mainly because I've been with F most of the time. I love her so much and her love is making me so happy; transforming me into this very happy person. LOL! =)