the life i left behind

looking at some pictures from the not so distant past, i kinda remembered what my life was before coming to Singapore. The life that I left behind. I use the word "kinda" because i don't remember it very vividly. It's like a dream that I woke up from. Something that I could never get back. Which kinda make me sad because that life was kinda good in a way...

Now I'm really sad.

Not considering my last deployment in my previous company, everything was picture perfect. I had a good relationship with family, my salary was above average (which was sadly not good enough for me), I have few good friends, and most importantly, my relationship with F was great. And I traded it all off for a job abroad -- my dream.

***

There's a longing sadness lingering in my heart. Helpless. I could not get back what I left behind. I could only look back and move on. My family will always be my family. F, if I can help it, will always be the love of my life, and my friends, I could only hope that distance and lack of communication will not stop us from remaining friends. That's asking for too much, but I guess there's so little that I can do... (or willing to do).

***

I realize that relationships can be preserved, and I did not leave them behind. I took them with me and kept them inside my heart.

***

I realize that the less excited I am about my new life, the more nostalgic I feel about my previous one.

***

I do not want to be sad, I do not want to forget either. The only way to achieve this is to relive it. F is the key. She's my anchor, without her, I will drift.