One stupid thing I always do is that I always try to fix other people's (particularly girls') problems. This was very apparent in my relationship with F. She would tell me her problems about her dormmates, her studies, her friends, and her family. I would then give her advice on what to do and how to do it. But all she really wanted was to be heard. To connect to me by making me feel what she feels. And I believe that most, if not all, girls are like that. They just want to be heard.
Unfortunately, it's hard for me to kick the habit. I have to restrain myself from fixing their problems. Sometimes, or rather most of the time, I catch myself in the middle of giving unsolicited advice. When that happens, I imaginarily hit myself in the head and hope that my friend doesn't find me obtrusive. lol
I don't know if this is what they call the Messiah Complex (Bruce Wayne, anyone?). But if it is, I got a mild case of it.
=P
Wednesday, September 05, 2007
fixing other people's problems
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4 comments:
yeah, they call it the "Messiah complex." it's very natural for men to have a fix-it attitude though, and you're right when you said that women just want to be heard. they just need their friends to listen to them when they air out their feelings or problems...
just a few tips from a psychologist/counselor's perspective: whenever you give advice (even sought-for advice), you strip your friends the ability to empower themselves. you also teach them to be dependent on you because you don't believe that they can find solutions to their own problems. moreover, you're giving them permission to put the blame on you when your advice didn't work out for them. indirectly, you're teaching them not to take responsibilty for their lives. so next time you got the urge to offer unsolicited advice, remember these things :D
i thought about that too, but not to great extent. thanks for the tips. i'll keep them in mind. =)
i guess the thing you read in that magazine before really hit you :) well, it's true, sometimes we just open up our problems because we simply want to be heard... well, unless the nature of the problem is calling for an "actual" fixing, like a leak in the faucet, or a broken lamp perhaps.. ur help will never be considered unsolicited ;)
just lighting up the mood a bit :)
*lightening pala :p
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