baskin'

I woke up in the middle of the night. I can't sleep so I blogged to pass the time.

I am basking in my melancholy. I am yearning for the past. I am yearning to relive the happy moments I had with F. The good times. And for a short while, I did. I was able to remember how good it felt to be loved. Most importantly, I felt my love for her. I realize that I am happier thinking about how much I loved her than how much she loved me.

It's hard to admit that I'm suffering. (Damn this stupid pride!) This is the best thing that ever happened to me, and now it ends. (I will never forget time we went to a mall near our school. I was driving and she was giving me the directions. I told her, "You're my map. I am lost without you." She was always good with directions. She had always given me directions. I have a lot of things going on in my mind and she is the one who gives me focus. I wouldn't be in Singapore if it weren't for her. She was there for me during my darkest days. She's the person I can do nothing with and never be bored. I can talk to her about anything and everything.) I have no one to blame but myself. To thy ownself be true. Who am I kidding? I'm not okay. I will be, but not right now. I was okay then, but not anymore.

It's funny how my dreams reflect more truth than reality. It's funny how a single dream can change you from doing great to being a total wuss (like what I am doing now). It's just too bad that my dream came late. It feels as if I don't know her anymore. She has changed. I have changed. She has moved on. And I know, soon enough, when I'm ready, I will move on too.

But for now, let me bask in my melancholy.



so much for not being a sad person...

=P