silently grieving

X**: Why? Are you going to buy? (referring to Motorola V3i)
Me: Uhm... I'm tempted.
R**: What do you need it for? You alread got your Palm.

Boom!

Word of advise: Don't get too attached to material things. They could be gone in a blink of an eye.

I'm sorry I lost you. It was good while it lasted.

rolling off

I am rolling off my current project.

This is going to be a great change. Surprisingly, I'm only a little excited about it.

New project
New location
New environment
New faces
New opportunities
New threats
(How about a new outlook in life? Why not?)

Still, I feel a little numb.

Stoicism? Could be.
Denial? I hope not.
Acceptance? That would be good.
Maturity? I'd like to think so.

Change is not always bad. It is beyond good and bad. It is inevitable. Everything beyond my control is inevitable. The sooner I accept it, the faster I move on. And moving on is always good.

Can anyone quote me on this? LOL

catchy song: 8 Easy Steps by Alanis

How to stay paralyzed by fear of abandonment
How to defer to men in solvable predicaments
How to control someone to be a carbon copy of you
How to have that not work and have them run away from you
How to keep people at arms length and never get to close
How to mistrust the ones you supposedly love the most
How to pretend you're fine and don't need help from anyone
How to feel worthless unless you're helping

I'll teach you all this in 8 easy steps
In the course of a lifetime you'll never forget
I'll show you how to in 8 easy steps
I'll show you how leadership looks when taught by the best

How to hate women when you're supposed to be a feminist
How to play all highest when you're really a hypocrite
How to hate God when you're a prayer and a spiritualist
How to sabotage your fantasies

I've been doing research for years
I've been practicing my ass off
I've been waiting my whole life for this moment, I swear to you
Culminating just to be this well versed leader before you

How to lie to yourself and thereby to everyone else
How to keep smiling when you're thinking of killing yourself
How to numb alaholic (?) to avoid going within
How to stay stuck in your life blaming them

shock

We have just been informed that our project will be shut down before June of this year. I kinda predicted it. I mean, if I was the client, I'd close us down, too. Having two offices within the same time zone is kinda redundant. It's a waste of money.

 

We have less than five months to pack our bags and leave.

 

An officemate told me that people will be more appreciative of their work and the people they live with now that the project is ending. As for me, I ju█♥▐╓▐▬╫▐▀Φ▌╙²▄▐■√·...

Winning and Losing

Winning

I got to watch Manny Pacquiao's fight with Erik Morales at F's house. Damn! Astig ni Pacman! It's a good thing that he won. I would be very sad for him if he didn't. What would happen to his career? What would happen to the Filipino's pride? That would've sucked!

 

Losing

I tried my luck at the lottery. I couldn't imagine myself winning Php 150,000,000.00. WTF?! That's to much money. Well, it doesn't matter now. I didn't win, anyway.

old email from F

A mixture of Curiousity and Boredom led me to my Sent folder of my email account. I stumbled into these email from F dated Feb 19, 2004. She's so sweet!

F wrote:

The reason i read the runaway jury again was that it was going to be shown. and the whole plot was not taken from the book. iba ung story. siguro unahin muna natin ung cold mountain kasi madami nang nagsasabi sa akin na maganda raw.

ang iniisaip ko lang kung ok lang kung ok kay a*** l*** un (ung manonood tayo ng movie at ung mismong movie). love story ung cold mountain eh, baka lalong siyang malungkot! alam mo, medyo suspicious ako sa motives ni a*** l***. kasi minsan lang un magyaya, pero laging may motive. tapos she even specified for me to take you. Ganun na ba siya kalungkot? Hehehehe!

Alam mo sad rin si a***. *sigh*

Buti na lang i have you!!! That's why I'm going to hug you! (Just imagine it, ok?)

You know, it's easy to get lost in a busy world. To feel that real love is non-existent, or that it's not something we can rely on. It's easy to be doubtful and insecure especially when one is in a relationship during these times.

During these times, I have your letters, cards and your emails to remind me of you, that you're here for me.

Thanks...

touch of pink

I decided to read my journal entries and stumble into this one. Its about how sad I am for not being able to give F the gift she wanted last Christmas.

I'm glad I was able to give it her this year. =)