random thoughts #63

i woke up feeling lazy today. i took a multivitamin caplet in the hope of having a few energy into my system to get me through the day. this is important since today is Tuesday, the longest day of the week. it's long because i have a regular meeting from 8:30-9:30PM. still, i consider myself lucky for this. i know some people who stay late in the office everyday. i wish i could remember to ask them five years from now if it was worth it.

speaking of dedicated people, i admire my team leader's dedication in her work. she's been here for 8 years, i guess. her dedication, diligence, and wisdom is truly inspiring. i'm lucky to have a boss like her. she's one of the best in the company.

going back to the topic, when i woke up, part of me wanted to stay in bed. but of course, common sense dictates that i should go to work if i don't want things to blow up in my face. i'm such a good boy. at least most of the time. at least i think so. lol!

F and i had dinner together last night, she seemed happy. i'm sure she wasn't the night before. i'm relieved. we talked about eating at Shang and i told her how i really feel about that. it's just too expensive. at least for now. i think i know where to bring her on our next date, but i'm not telling. she might read this post and it would spoil the suspense.

i like my new set of mp3's. thank God for music.

winners and losers

10 differences between winners and losers:

1.When a winner commits a mistake he says "I am wrong".
When a loser commits a mistake he says "It's not my fault".

2.A winner works harder and has more time than a loser.
A loser always is too busy to do what is necessary.

3.A winner faces and solves his problems.
A loser does otherwise.

4.A winner make things happen.
A loser makes promises.

5.A winner would say "I am good but not as good as I want to be".
A loser would say "I am not as bad as the others"

6.A winner listens, understands and responds.
A loser only waits until it is his turn to speak.

7.A winner respects people who are superior to him and would like to learnfrom them.
A loser does otherwise, and would try to find his superiors' faults.

8.A winner is responsible not just for his own work.
A loser will note dare help others and would say "I'm just doing my job."

9.A winner would say "There should be a better way to do it."
A loser would say "This is the only way to do it."

(you can disregard this last one.)
10.A winner like you will share this with his friends.
A loser will just keep this to himself because he doesn't have time sharing this with others.

based on this list, i am considered a winner. HOW COME I DON'T FEEL LIKE ONE!
i therefore conclude that this list is flawed. muwahahaha! (evil laugh!)

list taken from F's journal. (without permission but i think she won't mind.)

the "n" word and changing

it's happening again. why do i have so many issues? why can't i be normal like... like a normal person? hmmm.. that makes me wonder. is it ok to be normal? would i be happy being normal or would i had killed myself out of extreme boredom? i could never imagine myself being normal. 1, 2, 3, 4, i mentioned normal 5 times already. i have to make it my title. lol! anyway, back to the topic, is anybody normal? i guess not. but i believe that there are people who are more or less normal than others. this term is too broad. i'd like to narrow down the topic and discuss my mental health. (or lack thereof. lol!) i'm paranoid. i get overly irritable when i'm hungry. (overly, is that a word?) my memory is worse than my mobile phone. (which is a nokia 6510, btw.) and worse of all, (or at least i'd like to believe so) i get into this melancholic state in which i get very depressed without a reason (or none that i know of). this is what happens during the process. (i call it changing. you'll see why.) it gets dark (or foggy) all around. i don't feel like myself. i feel very light. i have to make a conscious effort to feel that i am real, to realize that my actions have consequences. i have to do this because i might do something that would have dire consequences that i do not care about at the moment but would be devastating in the future. (it had happened before.) because of this, i try not to do anything new. aside from the fact that i may not be thinking clearly, i also might not be able to appreciate the experience. (there are exceptions to this. i haven't figured exactly why.) i stay like this for days, sometimes weeks. then, i would just realize that its over and everything looks bright. leaving my personality somewhat changed. this doesn't happen often. just once or twice a year. nobody notices this when its happening except for F. she is the only one (besides me) who is affected by my changing. i know why but i'm not telling.

wishlist 2005

here are the top 3 entries in my wishlist as of date.

1. to be 15 years old again
i want to go back to the past and be young again. don't ask me why. i just do. i know it's impossible but who knows? i just might get lucky!
funny, i remember wishing to be older when i was 15. it seems like i got my wish. lol

2. to be very rich
in progress: 2% complete

3. to be able to read people's minds
this would make my life easier. =)

last working day of the year

"Dream over me with a tear, anything it takes to wish me here." - Nikki Hassman, Any Lucky Penny

Hooray! Today is the last working day of the year. I'm off to a two week vacation. Pretty long, huh? It's just 2 days before christmas and I still don't feel the holiday spirit. I may never will. But it's okay, I celebrate christmas everyday, anyway. =)

I feel a little awful because I can't get F the perfume that she wants. It's too expensive and I'm not that loaded. I might just get her something less expensive. Indeed, money makes life a lot easier and lack of it harder.

Still not over Wicker Park. What a good story! =)

"I take one step away, then I find myself coming back to you, my one and only you." - Parokya ni Edgar, One and Only You

MYMP

Last night, I saw MYMP and Freestyle perform live. It was our company's christmas party. They gave away a million pesos worth of raffle prizes and I didn't even get anything. I guess it just was'nt my lucky night. I did, however, get to dance with some of my batchmates to the songs of Freestyle. I also sang some of the songs performed by MYMP. I coudn't rave about the food though. We had a vegetable salad with olive oil dressing. We also had roasted chicken with brown rice. Their brown rice sucks. The dessert was no better than it should have been. As I've said, the food was nothing to get excited about. (And to think that that's the reason why I went in the first place!)

Well, as for me and F, we're okay again. Okay meaning we make each other happy more than we make each other sad. I believe that its okay for lovers to have quarrels as long as it is not very often. I went to see her yesterday morning. She was wearing a pink shirt and slippers. She colored her nails pink, too. It think it was cute. So kikay. lol!=)

storm

My life is extra crappy nowadays (especially right this very moment). Allow me to enumerate the things that made this possible.

1. F is extra moody. She used to make me happy more often than she makes me sad. Lately, it's the other way around.
2. Work is hard. This is normal.
3. I was not able to save my salary. I'm not sure where it went.
4. I am running out of friends and I don't have the enthusiasm to make new ones. Item 1 makes this worse.

But I look at the bright side. There's always a rainbow after the rain.