Matthew 8:26

I admit it. I have little faith. In people, in myself, in God. In people because they have always let me down. Not everyone though. Not all the time, too. But its just me to give up easily on people. Probably because I don't want to be disappointed. That's why I don't expect too much of them. And that's probably the main reason why I have little faith in myself too. Or vice-versa. Most of the time, I sell myself short. Yeah, I know, it's not good. But knowing that I could have been (and could still be) better makes me a disappointment to myself. Hehehe. Funny, but there's nothing good about it. It's pathetic.

 

What bother's me is that I realized that I have little faith in God. In His divine providence. In His plans for me. In His goodness. I find it hard to accept fate. To "claim" the things that I ask of Him. To not do anything about my worries. Today's verse slaps me in the face. How can I have so little faith when He has always been there for me? How can I not trust in His divine providence when He has always provided me with everything I ever wanted and even more? This is not a blog entry about overcoming difficulties. This is about realizing a weakness. There wouldn't be a good conclusion to this. Long after I've posted this, I'd probably still have little faith.

 

Consider this story:

A good man was on a passenger ship when it started to sink. He prayed to God. He had strong faith and he believed that God will rescue him and wouldn't let him drown. Here comes a fisherman's boat. The fisherman asks him to come aboard. He didn't. He said, "My God will save me. Let the others board instead." So the fisherman's boat left. A coast guard patrol came. Again, he did not board. His God will save him so he let the others board instead. Then a helicopter came. Same thing, he let the others board while he is left on the sinking ship waiting for God to rescue him. As he began to sink, he prayed again, "God, why didn't you rescue me?" God answered, "You fool! I was the one who sent the fisherman's boat, the patrol boat, and the helicopter."

 

Lord, I thank you for loving me despite my weaknesses. For giving me more than what I deserve. I know that you have good plans for me and that you want to bless me abundantly. I'm sorry for the times that I hesitate to accept your blessings. I'm sorry for the times that I did not heed Your call because of my doubts. I lift up all my worries, fears and anxieties to You. Help me to understand Your plan for me. Help me to realize who I can be. Help me become who you want me to be. Amen.