F

I have to be true to myself. Fact is, I miss F. Please don't get me wrong. I don't want us to get back together again. And that will never happen. Oops! I said the "N" word. Alright... to be politically correct, the chances of that happening is very very minute. Specially now that we are pursuing new relationships. And we are better (wiser?) partners than before. We'll probably get it right this time. Hopefully. Well, getting back to the topic, I am missing the friendship. It feels like I lost my best friend. Why wouldn't I? She was not just my girlfriend. She was my best friend as well. The one I can talk to about anything and everything. The one who knows me so well (probably even better than I know myself). No one can blame me for thinking about F. After all, she had been part of my life. My ups and down. My triumphs and defeats. Nobody can take that away. Not even I. Even if I wanted to.

So I surrender that, from time to time, I'll think about her and how she made my life beautiful for 4 years, how she turned the me into a better person, how we used to love each other, how we made each other happy, how we travelled all over the Philippines, how we fight, how we made up after we fight, how she picked me up at my condo to have lunch with her parents after her graduation ceremony, how I brought her to the hospital when she had the worst abdominal pains, how happy I was whenever I was fetching her from the airport, how she brought me out of my comfort zone every now and then and make my life bigger, how she smiles, how she laughs, and how she looks at me with that distinctive spark in her eyes that tells me she loves me.

I have accepted the closure of this cycle (Read: Closing Cycles by Paolo Coelho). Time has come for a new love to nourish. My journey with F has ended and now a new one begins. I want to thank F for loving me so much, much more than what I deserved. And I want to apologize for all the pain I caused, for not being patient with you, for my pride, for my foolishness, for fighting back the tears when you were waiting for them to roll down my cheeks, for not being able to sweep you off your feet when I was trying so hard to win you back, for not being able give you the love that you wanted.

Tama na to, naiiyak na ako. =P