Riding a cab at night along ECP gave me a bittersweet memory of the times I used to go to the airport to fetch F. She flies via Cebu Pacific so her arrival is always late at night and I have no option but to ride a cab. I remember the times when my heart would beat really fast just thinking about seeing her again. Oh how I really missed her then! Oh how I loved her so much! I remember being breathless in anticipation, waiting for her plane to land. How I would silently wipe my tears (I would not let her see) as I think about the old times and how I sacrificed it for a job in Singapore. It was tears of joy. After a long time away from each other, I'll be seeing her again. I'll be able to hold her again. To kiss her again. To wrap my arms around her. I remember clearly as I'm writing this entry. It's funny how such a beautiful memory can hurt me so much! But in my heart, I know that I would rather feel the pain, than lose this memory. For there is a part of me... that is afraid... that I may never love the same way again.
parkway
i see the long road
the lamp posts and the trees
i see the white stripes passing me by
the lights flashing at my face
there is nothing i can do but sigh
and fight back the tears
for this road that i so fondly take
no longer leads to you
but to a land of unacknowledged fears
3 comments:
kakaiyak namang entry 'to. reminds me of my own journey towards recovery... nice to know that you're also human, shoti. and all the while, i thought you were doing pretty okay because you kept on reassuring the people around you that you were... maybe out of denial of your true feelings or you were trying to convince yourself that you're okay. don't worry, you will be... in God's time. in the meantime, allow yourself to feel the pain... the sadness... until acceptance kicks in...
i believe you will be able to love someone more than you loved her... in the future... when God reveals to you the bride He has prepared for you. in the meantime, enjoy the gift of singleness... to serve God with all your heart, soul, mind, and strength... to hone your talents... to grow into the best person you can be...
there are sad times, i admit. it can't be helped. there will always be something that will remind us of the past. but i'm actually doing fine. i'm enjoying my single life. =)
reminds me of this poem by Pablo Neruda: "Tonight I can write the saddest lines. "
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